If you light a candle in the Hall of Remembrance, Master, I will try and find the light."
-Mac, "An Affirming Hand:" (archived at the Master-Apprentice website)
The audience was silent and respectful as master and padawan climbed the stairs
at opposite ends of the dias only to meet in the middle. Sunlight glinted
off of the golden head, and Anakin's blue eyes twinkled in good humor. He
even winked Obi-Wan before offering a formal bow, and kneeling. Obi-Wan looked
stern, but Anakin was having none of it; they'd both worked too hard for this
day, discussed it too often, and unashamedly looked forward to it. It had
been as much a goal for Obi-Wan as it had been a dream for his padawan. Now
that the day of Anakin's knighting was upon them, neither Jedi had any regrets,
or any illusions.
Obi-Wan's hand did not falter as he gathered the padawan braid and cut cleanly
through it with a ceremonial dagger. And so, both men gained their freedom,
and the journey begun thirteen years before on Tatooine was completed, against
all odds. Rising to his feet, the young knight grinned. Obi-Wan frowned and
shook his head slightly; this moment was traditionally solemn and Anakin knew
it, but the knight's grin only grew wider.
/The next thing you know, he'll hug me and shock everyone in the garden./
He spiked a warning though the training bond.
Anakin chuckled then--a full, rich sound that began deep in his broad chest
and rumbled forth like the growl of a werekat. Towering over his Master, he
wrapped him up in a fearsome hug. Obi-Wan groaned at the irrepressible enthusiasm,
but nonetheless returned the hug and blinked at the warmth flooding the bond.
"Thank you," Anakin murmured. "For everything. I know that I never made it
easy."
"No, you didn't. But I'd still not trade a moment of it, Padawan." Obi-Wan
drew back to press the severed golden braid into Anakin's hand. "I'm sure
that your mother will want this relic, even if you don't."
Backing away, Obi-Wan gestured to focus the crowd's attention on Anakin, and
surrendered the moment. "I give you Jedi Knight Skywalker."
Anakin made the usual bow to the assembly, and Obi-Wan was certain that he
winked at his mother. Standing in the front row, Shmi was weeping for the
Jedi her son had become, but still laughed through her tears.
The crowd roared its approval and surged forward to congratulate the new-made
knight as Anakin leaped off of the dias. Retracing his steps in a more dignified
manner, Obi-Wan avoided the enthusiastic crowd. Skirting its edges, he heaved
a deep sigh of relief that his part in this day was officially over, regardless
Anakin's celebration was just beginning. He was contented to watch from a
distance as Amidala and her handmaidens descended on the knight who had asked
her to marry him when he had been little more than ten years old.
"Ask me again when you're older," had been her amused reply.
Anakin was older now, and their wedding was planned for early fall on Naboo,
when the planet was at its most radiant, and the Queen's schedule allowed
for a week-long wedding celebration.
Taking shelter beneath the shade of a dakonda tree, Obi-Wan leaned against
its trunk and took another deep breath to ground himself. Stepping up beside
the knight, Mace Windu crossed his arms and stared across at Anakin, who towered
over every guest.
"Congratulations, Master Kenobi."
"Master?" Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow in surprise, and shivered slightly to
hear the honorific applied to himself. "Not quite yet, sir. I've not even
considered petitioning Council for a change in title."
"You should." He clapped a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Despite all of the
odds, you did it. The darkness and the anger we saw in Anakin all of those
years ago is gone. If he's dangerous now, it's only to the enemies of the
Republic and through those monster hugs he enjoys terrorizing everyone with."
"I certainly hope so," Obi-Wan murmured. "I'd not have recommended him for
his trials if there had been any question about that."
The band Anakin had wheedled for the occasion began playing, and Anakin immediately
snagged Amidala's hand to drag her off to the center of the garden. /How many
times have I seen him do that over the years?/ Obi-Wan pondered. /Does he
ever ask her to go with him, or does he simply... take charge?/
She didn't seem to mind, whenever his hand enfolded hers like a beast's might
enfold a maiden's. Looking at his padawan in Coruscant's afternoon light,
Obi-Wan saw a huge, broad-shouldered warrior whose energy and enthusiam was
endless. Over the last few months, their relationship had changed until Anakin
had become more friend than padawan. Obi-Wan wondered if such was the case
with all masters and their padawan.
"I predict that Anakin and the Queen are standing on the brink of a life of
which legends will be made," Mace murmured. "Your padawan's training was a
miracle all by itself. I've been meaning to ask how you did it."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You brought an angry, dangerous young man from the edge of the Dark and guided
him into a total commitment to the Light. How did you do it?"
Obi-Wan frowned upward and folded his arms in his robes. "I'm not certain
what you're asking, Master. With the Council's guidance, I followed the basic
curriculum for all padawan training."
"Of course you did. But from the moment of Qui-Gon Jinn's death, you know
that the Council kept a close eye on you. All of us watched you, and some
of us feared that you'd fall to the Dark yourself." He turned to stare down
at the knight. "You returned from Naboo a broken young man, Obi-Wan. Your
grief was so deep that several of us, including Yoda, despaired of your finding
yourself again. Within days, however, you had regained your peace, focused
totally on Anakin, and commenced guiding your irrepressible and irresponsible
padawan through thirteen years of training as easily and completely as if
you'd done it before. As far as any of us could tell, you no longer grieved
for your master. After those first few days, you never looked back. How did
you do it?"
"Does it matter?" Obi-Wan murmured, his gaze skirting away from Windu's. "Anakin
has been knighted today, and my promise to Qui-Gon is finally fulfilled. The
Order has received one of the strongest in the Unifying Force, and--"
"It matters, Knight Kenobi, because I do not
understand how a raw, inexperienced knight can possibly have trained a boy
with as much potential power for destruction--Anakin's own as well as ours--and
never put a foot wrong. Yes, your Padawan got into trouble, but what Padawan
doesn't? He did his share of late-night commissary duty and extra lessons,
as did all of us. That's not what I'm talking about. I want to know how, by
all the Sith hells, you managed to teach him, train him, serve countless missions
with him, and effortlessly impart to him things that you never should have
known. Things you should have asked a number of masters for help regarding."
"I--"
"Anakin was taught techniques for battle and diplomacy that you didn't know."
Windu's voice softened to a growl. "Things learned only in the field. Things
only seasoned masters know. How is that?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi put his hands behind his back and studied the tips of his boots
for a long moment. "You're not going to let this go until you're satisfied
by my answers, are you?"
"No."
"Will there be an official Council interrogation on the matter if I refuse
to answer?"
"I hope you'll tell me Jedi to Jedi, rather than force me to involved the
Council, Knight Kenobi."
Obi-Wan nodded and pondered a moment. "Alright, Master. I had help."
"Of course you had help!" Windu snapped. "Anakin trained with the best the
Temple has to offer. But that doesn't explain--"
"That's not quite what I mean."
"Then what do you mean?"
"You're right in saying that, when I came back from Naboo, I was in no shape
to teach anyone anything. If someone had suggested then that I follow my master
into death, I would have done so with alacrity. I missed him more than any
of you can possibly know, I felt totally unprepared to be a knight--never
mind a master to Anakin--and I was terrified at the prospect of trying to
teach him anything. I agreed with you; the boy was dangerous."
"And?" Windu prodded when Obi-Wan stopped talking to watch Anakin begin another
dance with Amidala. Catcalls and protestations from a number of padawans and
a few other guests from Naboo and the Temple intruded over the music.
"If my pada--if Anakin doesn't remember his manners and start dancing with
his other friends soon, there will probably be a revolt."
"Obi-Wan!"
Calm gray-green eyes looked up at him. "I told you, I had help." Obi-Wan smiled
softly, remembering.
* * *
Obi-Wan made his way slowly down the spiraling stone staircase, deep into the bowels of the catacombs housing the bodies and ashes of the Jedi dead. Water dripped endlessly on stone here, patiently carving grooves into the obsidian steps. It was silent and it was dark, save for the glow from new lightsaber he'd constructed, and the scraping of his boots on the unforgiving rock. Obi-Wan knew not to slip, not to fall. If he did, no one would ever find him, for no one would ever know to look for him. It was deep into Coruscant's night, and the rest of the Temple slept. The training bond he shared with Anakin was all but non-existent in these early days, and Qui-Gon was gone, unable to rescue him if he fell. Qui-Gon being gone was the reason Obi-Wan was down here in the first place, where most Jedi never went, never would want to go.
Kneeling in his quarters on the meditation mat once used by his Master, Obi-Wan
closed his eyes and grounded in the Force. As always, Qui-Gon was just over
there, a constant and sparkling presence in his mind. If he narrowed his focus
just a little, he could open his eyes and turn his head and see his Master,
kneeling before him.
"It's done."
"Thank you, Obi-Wan. I know that it's not been easy. Is Council letting you
select your next mission?"
"I don't want another mission," came the calm announcement. "I want to be
with you."
An eyebrow arched in surprise. "There's a certain difficulty inherent in that
desire, don't you think, my Padawan?"
"No. I'm done in this world, Qui-Gon. No, hear me out before you protest that
I'm destined to train two more padawans and be a great Jedi Master. That's
not what I want."
Frowning slightly, Qui-Gon listened. In fact, Obi-Wan got the impression that
if he had tried to deflect this conversation, such deflection would not have
been allowed.
"When I was twelve, I wanted to be your padawan... and I was. The years we
shared together were the happiest of my life. For as long as I can remember,
I wanted to be a Jedi knight, and I am. But I had another dream--a dream interrupted
on Naboo and by Anakin--and that was to be with you."
"I'm not sure I understand."
Rising from the meditation mat, Obi-Wan offered his hand. "You will, Master.
For now, would you just show me your world, and let me be with you? Everything
else will work out if you'll just do that for me, Qui-Gon."
Gaining his feet, and looming over Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon took his hand. "Of course."
In leading Obi-Wan from the room, Qui-Gon also led him out of the physical
world. He'd done it many times before, as they'd gone to the space between
worlds to discuss this or that portion of Anakin's training, or a problem
on a mission to which Obi-Wan had been assigned. It was only as he looked
back that the Jedi Master truly understood the decision and the request that
Obi-Wan had made. There, on the Master's old meditation mat so recently vacated
by his former Padawan, lay an empty set of Jedi robes.
Worried blue eyes met gray-green. "Obi-Wan... Are you sure that you have no
regrets? This is what you want to do?"
"It's all that I've worked for, all that I've wanted for a very long time.
Longer than you can possibly know."
"I don't know about that, Obi-Wan." Memories flooded the bond between them
when Qui-Gon touched his former Padawan's cheek.
- a slender boy on Bandomeer, offering to die so that others might live, already
Jedi in his unselfish compassion. "Live, and be my Padawan," said the tall
man that Obi-Wan desperately wanted to save.
- a slender braid held between long, thick fingers as another bead of accomplishment
was added and his Master's heart swelled with pride. Reaching out, he hugged
the boy to him. /Great!/ Obi-Wan had thought. /When he hugged me last year,
I only came up to his sternum. I just mashed my nose on his chest, so I'm
getting taller!/
-the boy grown to manhood, watching his Master fight, speak, negotiate, sleep,
walk, shower, heal, bleed. Just living with Qui-Gon, day in and day out, until
the realization hit one morning as Obi-Wan set a cup of tea before the big
Jedi: /I'm in love with him./
-the Master who felt the jolt through the bond as the realization hit, whose
hand trembled as he thanked his Padawan and drank the tea, knowing that his
own love and need was mirrored in the beautiful man sitting beside him, yet
could not be acted upon as long as Obi-Wan was a Padawan.
"I meant to tell you, when you were knighted," Qui-Gon whispered. "But...."
"But Naboo happened, and there was no time." His smile was sad, but contained
no bitterness. "There's time now, Master. In fact, there's all eternity, if
we want it. If you still want me."
Qui-Gon touched Obi-Wan's cheek with the tips of his fingers, just as he had
before, in benediction for a life that was ending too soon. "I can say now
what I couldn't say then. I love you, my Obi-Wan."
Sliding his arms around Qui-Gon, he leaned into the touch. "I love you, too,
Master. Let's go home."
END
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